An Open Love Letter to Men From Me, a Raging, Raging, Feminist

Dear Men,

I just read an article in the Wall Street Journal by a lovely woman by the name of Kay S. Hymowitz titled "Where Have All The Good Men Gone?" in which she blames your love of nintendo, beer, and wacking off for the entire collapse of the post-WWII-era institution of perfection known as Marriage, House, and 2.5 Kids. Actually no, what she really blames is my educated, hardworking, scholastically-outperforming, higher-earning (not to be confused with higher-paid) counterparts who, like me, possess a vagina. Apparently, as your mothers, siblings, girlfriends, and wives, we have coddled you, we have forced you into a state of perpetual adolescence, because we removed from you your one raison d'etre: to make a lot of money in order to attract a hot girl to bone and have some kids with. With women these days pursuing fancy degrees, establishing careers, supporting themselves and sometimes supporting entire families, we have, according to Ms. Hymowitz, made you obsolete.

However, before you assume that I am now just going to run out and turkey baste a baby into my uterus and declare my hatred for men and their overwhelming sense of masculine entitlement, dearest, dearest men, I want to apologize for this woman. She is so, so wrong about you. She's wrong about me too, but she's creating big problems for you as well.

I want to tell you, men, (really, all people in general) that I believe in you. I believe you are smart, talented, capable, rational, thinking, loving, fully human beings. I do not believe you were brought into this world for the sole purpose of making wads of cash, putting a ring on it, and then knocking me up. I don't mind your star wars obsessions, your video games, your preference to live frat-style well into your 30's, or even your occasional bouts of unemployment, existential ennui, or career changes. I don't even hate on you guys that hate monogamy (I mean, I get it - it doesn't make you a jerk - unless you fail to inform that lovely woman or man who may be falling in love with you who might highly prize a monogamous lifestyle. Just sayin').

I do not think it is ever right or acceptable to 'mooch' off of another human being or take advantage of another person's generosity, be it financial, emotional, or otherwise. I don't blame parents that want to kick out their sons (or daughters) who literally contribute nothing to society for whatever reason, along with their household as a whole. That does not mean I don't appreciate, understand, or even respect the fact that you may live at home. That doesn't mean I think you are less of a person because your girlfriend or wife pays your rent while you paint, or pursue your otherwise difficult or under-paying dream job. You know why, men? Because I know that you all have the capacity to be intelligent, understanding,and compromising in all life situations. I know you aren't sitting around all day expecting someone else to pay your way through life and then not offer any sort of domestic or emotional support in return. There are people who do this. A lot of them we like to call 'trophy wives' - and guess what, they don't even have penises! Men, I think you deserve better. I think you deserve more credit for the fact that only you can determine the type of life you want and the type of life that makes you happy. If that's a high-powered CEO, if that's a brilliant inventor and innovator, if that's an artist, a househusband, or a customer service agent who likes to play D&D in the evenings, or any blend there in between, I give you kudos. I refuse to believe that any man who deviates from the norm of the expected life path society has set up for him is lazy, immasculated, and in a perpetual state of arrested development. This by no means assumes that I condone absent or delinquent fathers, or any other type of person who shirks their own responsibilities and does not deal with the consequences of their own actions. It's sad that I have to explicitly make that distinction, but I make it more for the ignorant people who don't understand the different goals you have, not because I think you're going to take my statement and run with it as an excuse to not claim responsibility for your own life. No, dear men, I believe you are way, way smarter than that. I also believe you're smart enough to learn to put the seat down, but even so, in your defense, I would try to keep it up too, to avoid touching it as much as possible. But no, for reals. Men, I love you. If feminism tells me I don't have to settle to a prescribed set of ideals or lifestyle, it should tell you the same exact thing.

Love,

-J

(If you're interested in the original article, you can read it here: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704409004576146321725889448.html)