DILFS

I kind of wonder if your kids teachers or the mothers of their friends and classmates hit you on. I would say yes, because goddamn, you're sexy. Actually, I hope they do. Because that's hot.

This post is irrelevant to anything significant. I would like to shout your hotness from a mountain, but a blog will do.

-J

An Open Love Letter to Men From Me, a Raging, Raging, Feminist

Dear Men,

I just read an article in the Wall Street Journal by a lovely woman by the name of Kay S. Hymowitz titled "Where Have All The Good Men Gone?" in which she blames your love of nintendo, beer, and wacking off for the entire collapse of the post-WWII-era institution of perfection known as Marriage, House, and 2.5 Kids. Actually no, what she really blames is my educated, hardworking, scholastically-outperforming, higher-earning (not to be confused with higher-paid) counterparts who, like me, possess a vagina. Apparently, as your mothers, siblings, girlfriends, and wives, we have coddled you, we have forced you into a state of perpetual adolescence, because we removed from you your one raison d'etre: to make a lot of money in order to attract a hot girl to bone and have some kids with. With women these days pursuing fancy degrees, establishing careers, supporting themselves and sometimes supporting entire families, we have, according to Ms. Hymowitz, made you obsolete.

However, before you assume that I am now just going to run out and turkey baste a baby into my uterus and declare my hatred for men and their overwhelming sense of masculine entitlement, dearest, dearest men, I want to apologize for this woman. She is so, so wrong about you. She's wrong about me too, but she's creating big problems for you as well.

I want to tell you, men, (really, all people in general) that I believe in you. I believe you are smart, talented, capable, rational, thinking, loving, fully human beings. I do not believe you were brought into this world for the sole purpose of making wads of cash, putting a ring on it, and then knocking me up. I don't mind your star wars obsessions, your video games, your preference to live frat-style well into your 30's, or even your occasional bouts of unemployment, existential ennui, or career changes. I don't even hate on you guys that hate monogamy (I mean, I get it - it doesn't make you a jerk - unless you fail to inform that lovely woman or man who may be falling in love with you who might highly prize a monogamous lifestyle. Just sayin').

I do not think it is ever right or acceptable to 'mooch' off of another human being or take advantage of another person's generosity, be it financial, emotional, or otherwise. I don't blame parents that want to kick out their sons (or daughters) who literally contribute nothing to society for whatever reason, along with their household as a whole. That does not mean I don't appreciate, understand, or even respect the fact that you may live at home. That doesn't mean I think you are less of a person because your girlfriend or wife pays your rent while you paint, or pursue your otherwise difficult or under-paying dream job. You know why, men? Because I know that you all have the capacity to be intelligent, understanding,and compromising in all life situations. I know you aren't sitting around all day expecting someone else to pay your way through life and then not offer any sort of domestic or emotional support in return. There are people who do this. A lot of them we like to call 'trophy wives' - and guess what, they don't even have penises! Men, I think you deserve better. I think you deserve more credit for the fact that only you can determine the type of life you want and the type of life that makes you happy. If that's a high-powered CEO, if that's a brilliant inventor and innovator, if that's an artist, a househusband, or a customer service agent who likes to play D&D in the evenings, or any blend there in between, I give you kudos. I refuse to believe that any man who deviates from the norm of the expected life path society has set up for him is lazy, immasculated, and in a perpetual state of arrested development. This by no means assumes that I condone absent or delinquent fathers, or any other type of person who shirks their own responsibilities and does not deal with the consequences of their own actions. It's sad that I have to explicitly make that distinction, but I make it more for the ignorant people who don't understand the different goals you have, not because I think you're going to take my statement and run with it as an excuse to not claim responsibility for your own life. No, dear men, I believe you are way, way smarter than that. I also believe you're smart enough to learn to put the seat down, but even so, in your defense, I would try to keep it up too, to avoid touching it as much as possible. But no, for reals. Men, I love you. If feminism tells me I don't have to settle to a prescribed set of ideals or lifestyle, it should tell you the same exact thing.

Love,

-J

(If you're interested in the original article, you can read it here: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704409004576146321725889448.html)

Music hath a far more pleasing sound

Words that don't mean that much to me:

"You're beautiful"
"You're special"
"I want to be with you forever"
"You're not like other girls"
"You deserve someone to make you happy"
"My heart is yours"

Barf.

I think one of the most rewarding, affirming, appreciative, and honest things anyone has ever said to me is:

"I've been thinking a lot about something you said the other day"

Music.

-J

Observation

When describing the attributes of their ideal mate, men, like women, often say:

'I want someone with a good sense of humor.'

Meaning: 'I want someone who will laugh at all my jokes, not actually be funny, or, God forbid, funnier than me.'

This is where I go wrong at least a good 89% of the time.

-J

Because Belle totally liked the Beast before other people realized he was cool.

-J

νεῦρον

The more
i read about
the brain
the less
i feel
like using it
because if
it's all been mapped
out in advance
and nailed down to
hormones
receptors
spandrels,
and the like
it seems like its
doing enough work
on its own
without my stupidity
getting in the way


-J

Please Secure Your Own Mask Before Attempting To Help Children or Others

You learn a lot about people and human nature when you work on an airplane. When you get people operating at, what is for some, an extremely high stress level, you get to see all kinds of rude, nasty, and inappropriate behavior. I personally feel most of the negative behavior that happens is rooted pretty deeply in fear (as someone who never, ever had a fear of flying, it can be hard to be sympathetic, but its my job to be just that, so I try). I've seen grown women kick each other's seat backs, pour juice on each other's seats, and do everything associated with 5-year old children short of hair pulling. Sometimes it amusing, most of the time its annoying, and in rare instances its downright flabbergasting.

Anyway, I had intended to write a post for a long time about my observations on human nature in an oxygen deprived can 30,000 feet in the air, but something occurred to me the other day doing the safety demo that struck me as probably the biggest and most concise idea about humans I've been able to observe.

You know that part in every airplane safety demo that goes "In case of sudden loss of pressure, oxygen masks will deploy from a compartment above your head. Use the elastic strap to secure the mask around your mouth and nose. Please make sure to secure your own mask before attempting to help children or others."

'Please secure your own mask before attempting to help children or others.'

Which, basically says, 'Please, get your own shit together before attempting to even go near other people.'

You're no good to anyone if you've passed out while the plane is going down. If you don't take care of yourself, you'll never be able to take care of others.

Thanks, safety demo. I always knew there was philosophy hidden deep in you somewhere.

-J